Finding Connection and Hope Through the Holidays

The holiday season, often associated with joy and togetherness, can also bring up feelings of loneliness and abandonment for many, especially those in the LGBTQIA+ community or those processing trauma. For some, the holidays may highlight estranged family relationships, a lack of belonging, or the absence of a supportive community. These feelings are valid, and you don’t have to face them alone. Therapy, particularly Internal Family Systems (IFS), can offer a path to healing and connection, not just with others, but also within yourself.

The Unique Challenges of the Holidays

Loneliness during the holidays is common, but for those of us in the LGBTQIA+ community, the feelings can be compounded. Research shows that LGBTQIA+ individuals are more likely to experience rejection, discrimination, and isolation, especially from family members (Meyer, 2003). Trauma survivors often face additional layers of difficulty, as the season may trigger memories of past hurt or loss.

The result? The holidays can amplify internal struggles, making it difficult to find peace, joy, or connection. However, there’s hope in addressing these feelings with care and intention.

Understanding Loneliness Through Internal Family Systems

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a compassionate, evidence-based approach that views the mind as composed of different “parts,” each with its own feelings, beliefs, and needs. In IFS, loneliness and abandonment are often viewed as experiences carried by specific parts of us that have been hurt or isolated in the past.

For instance:

• Protective parts might try to shield you from pain by encouraging isolation or distraction.

• Wounded parts may carry the deep sadness, fear, or anger stemming from experiences of rejection or abandonment.

IFS helps you develop a connection to your core “Self” — a calm, compassionate, and curious part of you capable of understanding and healing these inner wounds. By addressing loneliness in this way, you’re not just soothing the surface feelings but working to heal their root causes.

Building Connection from the Inside Out

Using IFS, you can build a stronger relationship with yourself and create a foundation for external connections. Here’s how therapy can help:

• Listening to Your Parts: With guidance from a therapist, you can learn to identify and listen to the parts of you that feel lonely or abandoned. What do they need? What are they protecting you from?

• Releasing Burdens: Trauma and rejection often leave parts of us carrying heavy “burdens,” such as shame or fear. Through IFS, you can help these parts let go of their burdens, lightening your emotional load.

• Strengthening the Self: By cultivating your connection to your core Self, you can approach the holidays with more resilience, self-compassion, and confidence in your ability to navigate challenging emotions.

The Role of Community in Healing

While individual therapy can be invaluable, community support can also play a critical role in healing loneliness. Studies show that social connection is essential for mental health and well-being, reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). For LGBTQIA+ individuals, finding affirming spaces can be transformative. Whether it’s a support group, an online community, or a chosen family, these connections provide a sense of belonging and validation.

If you feel isolated during the holidays:

• Find LGBTQIA+-affirming events or spaces.

• Volunteer for causes that align with your values, which can help foster new connections.

• Join online or in-person support groups tailored to your needs.

  
  

Taking the First Step

If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness or abandonment this holiday season, know that it’s okay to ask for help. Therapy, especially with an IFS approach, offers a powerful space for self-discovery, healing, and growth. Together, we can work to heal old wounds, strengthen your sense of Self, and build the connections you need to thrive.

Remember, you’re not alone. There’s a community out there waiting to embrace you, and there’s a therapist ready to help you take the first step.

References

• Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674.

• Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.